Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Family Matters

I appolgize for this long post, but I've been needing to vent and today was finally was my breaking point.

Ok, so I'm pretty sure I'm officially out of blood. I went to the lab today after my neurologist's appointment to "donate" more blood for testing purposes and I think I almost hopped out of the chair when she carried in 9 vials/tubes!!! If I wasn't anemic already, I'm sure I am now. While a very nice lady, she was somewhat strange. I asked her if she enjoyed her job, she ecstatically proclaimed that she loooooovvvved sticking people and just smiled like a kid in a candy store! I was a little freaked out at this point. So I said, "I guess you have to have a stomach for that kind of thing, my husband came home from the first day of medical school and said 'I got to peel skin off a dead guy's back today!!!' that made me sick to my stomach!" She said, "THAT'S SO AWESOME!" and stood there waiting for me to say more.......let's just say I was happy to get the heck out of Dodge, ASAP!

Afterward my fun appointment, I ran into my hubby's cousin, who is a doctor, in the hall at the clinic, awkward. Some of her comments today really stirred my blood, due to family issues that have been going on for quite a while. For those of you who don't know, things are very strained with my hubby's family. It has really hit hard on him recently and I can't imagine what it must be like. His family has made some very bad decisions lately, and their choices have torn the family apart. With graduation coming up, and his family basically turning on him for standing up, doing the right thing, and protecting his family, reality has set in that no one will be attending his graduation from his side. Also, today was sentencing day for Tom's brother and sister-in-law, and as much as we are both happy that they are finally getting their just desserts, it weighs heavy that they have made these terrible choices with their lives and that other people have been hurt by them. I can't imagine what he must be going through....what must it feel like to have your own mother choose a druggy couple (and now convicted rapists) over you who have done nothing with your life but good? How can a grandmother act like she doesn't even have grandson and never even ask to see him? I've always been mad at them for their attitudes and choices, but poor Tom is just crushed with this burden.

A little history......A week before Tom got his acceptance letter to med school, his dad, another doctor, had a terrible stroke and ended up passing away a few days letter. He had always looked to his dad as a role model and his dad protected the kids from seeing what was really happening in the family. With his death, the family started to unravel. Tom's mom (Carole) allowed the druggies(David and Peterli) to come into the family on a regular basis and welcomed in their 2 children, both born without David or Peterli being married. Carol forced them to get married, thinking this would solve everything. All this caused was both of them to come around more frequently and bully money out of Carole, assault Tom when he stood up to them, and give them somewhere to dump their kids for free. Eventually, DHS took the kids away and Tom, myself, and Carole had shared custody of a 4 yr old and a 14 day old. (how can someone just dump a newborn?)When we found out she was still paying for their drugs and alcohol and they were still coming around, even though DHS took away parental rights, we told her we couldn't be around that. With us expecting our first child and them already being brought up on charges for assault on Tom, we were concerned that I would get hurt. We contacted DHS and let them know the situation and then had to back away. Because Carole is a doctor, DHS seems to think she can do no wrong, even though currently she is being investigated by the IRS for 3 years of tax evasion and has been a terrible alcoholic since I met Tom and cannot officailly adopt the kids, because she can't pass the physical. (man we sound like bumpkins) To make matters worse, if you don't agree with the family, they basically stop talking to you, so instead of Carole, David, and Peterli being the outcasts, we are, for taking the high road. One example, Tom was given a new car from his parents when he graduated college, but when we took a stand, the car was taken away from us. (thats why Tom rides a scooter to work) Then the icing on the cake, David and Peterli decided to kidnap a minor, rape her, make a video and do other terrible things to this child and have now been convicted of all these and other crimes and have been sentenced to hopefully forever in prison, but we won't find out until tomorrow the offical decision. We are desparately trying to get DHS to listen to us and to get the kids back and hope that Carole will get the help that she needs so badly, before the poor kids have to be taken away and given to strangers and before Carole loses her license to practice. There are days when I'm so bitter about how things have unfolded and how God could let those poor children go through this and how He could let this terrible burden be put on Tom, but then I remember that He has a huge plan for all of us and I just need to be patient and wait for things to be revealed. Please pray for our family and especially Tom, that his heart will stay strong through these times and that he will be able enjoy his graduation, he has worked so hard for this!


  1. Lex, that's a terrible situation. I'm so sorry ya'll have to go through this and I'll definitely keep you and the little ones in my prayers...

  2. Ugh. That sounds so hard. I am amazed at both the resilience and the frailty of children.

    As much as I miss Tulsa, it is kinda nice to be removed from family drama.

  3. Wow, Lex, what a burden you have been under. You and your hubby will be in our prayers.